What one exception can tell you that the sentence alone can't
“I can't say no”.
This statement alone can make a Bach student reach for Centaury. But then, let's ask the client a few more questions and we find that:
- They can refuse colleagues without much trouble.
- They argue openly with the spouse when needed.
- They are able to cancel their plans with friends when they don't feel like it.
But they cannot say no to their parent. It can be any reason - culture, obedience, filialty, anything.
So do they actually have a problem in saying no? Or there something much more specific happening?
The Exception Is the Interesting Part
Many a times we have the vocabulary that we are unable to say no. And it is usually where the conversation starts. But it is not like a practitioner is acting like a chemist - who gives medicines with just one odd symptom. The consultation when done well, and the exception, changes the whole picture.
You see, Bach Remedies is all about precision. The more precisely you can pinpoint the emotional state, the more potent they act. Had they been having a problem in saying no to everyone, what I like to call as ‘footmat syndrome’, Centaury was the go to remedy.
But here, the difficulty only shows up with one person. So the real question is - what saying no to that person specifically means?
- Are they afraid of disappointing the parent?
- Is obedience tangled up with love, like with no one else?
- Is there guilt sitting underneath it?
- A role that they haven't been able to let go of, even as an adult with their own family?
It is here, at this point, that the consultation stops being a case of ‘match the following’ and more about listening to the things that may be scary to even name.
Centaury May Still Be Needed
The tricky nature of emotions is that Centaury may still turn out to be needed. They may still be acting as a doormat and be able to say no from their cognitive mind. But their statement that ‘I can't say no’ isn't enough evidence, by itself.
The same behaviour can be due to very different emotional states, and one well-placed question or a phrase spoken by them can completely change what you thought you were looking at.
Knowing vs Recognising
Knowing that Centaury relates to difficulty asserting one's own will is information; something that we can read in a book or online. But understanding and recognising whether the pattern is actually present, or is the statement a result of something else entirely, is application.
And this gap, between the two, is where you get to understand what actually matters.
About the Author
Lt Col Abhinav Sharma, SM (Retd.) is a Bach Flower Remedies practitioner and educator at Soulvyom Research LLP. He teaches Bach Flower Remedies through live comprehensive programme and also provides personalised BFR consultations. His teaching focuses not on learning the remedies but recognising and distinguishing similar emotional states and applying remedy knowledge to real conversations.
